Adoption makes your family unique in many ways. Your family has been formed through a legal process but bonded by emotion and experiences. When a child comes into your family through adoption, you have completed a process. This process has involved many decisions, much paperwork and an abundance of patience. Now that you have completed the adoption process and this precious child is part of your family it is not the time to stop learning about adoption issues or to stop growing in your knowledge of how this has formed your child’s identity. It is important to stay in touch with others who have adopted, those who can understand your experience and the uniqueness of adoption. There are many avenues of gaining information and support. There are support groups, educational materials from places such as Tapestry Books, online blogs and groups, and even attending events held by your adoption agency can help you connect with people who are having the same experiences.
If you are having particular difficulties or your child has specific medical issues or disabilities it is important to reach out to others for support and guidance. This can help you realize that you are not the only one going through what may be a difficult time. Talking about how someone else may have handled a similar situation can give you a second perspective on coping with your own situation. Sharing medical difficulties can bring referrals by other parents to doctors and specialists that have helped their children and made a real difference for their child. Sometimes we want to put on a brave front and not admitting we need help can actually impede getting the right help for your child. Facing and sharing that there are difficulties in an adoption or in parenting can be hard to do but we also have to remember we cannot be experts in every aspect of our lives. Sometimes we need to reach out to others to bring a solution to a problem or even to feel supported in the difficult times.
A benefit to attending agency events or adoption support groups, where you child is able to attend, is the feeling of sameness. Attending an event where your child looks around and sees other children who have been adopted, come from other countries or who have similar challenges can help them gain a sense of belonging, of commonality. It is important for every child to feel comfortable with their adoption story and to feel a sense of pride in their past. Each year Family Connections holds a picnic for our families that have adopted children from all over the world. Families come together to share a meal, play games, and connect with others who have adopted. The children play and make new friends. They may look at another child and see themselves and feel a connection because they have come from the same country. These children have a common thread, they have come to their family through adoption and here they don’t feel different. Adoptive parents can meet others who may have adopted from the same country or experienced the same challenges with their child. They can gain wisdom and support from others who automatically understand their experience. It is a time when the staff of Family Connections can witness the joy of these children who have their forever families and the way that lives have been changed. It is truly a special time.
When sharing your adoption story or experiences be mindful of the fact this is your child’s life story, their personal history and some information may not be appropriate to share. The overall idea is that there are things in their life they may not want everyone to know but general information may be okay. Connecting with others who have built their family through adoption and that understand the difficulties and unknowns that are a part of the process can make sharing information more comfortable. It is important to respect your child’s history and consider their feelings about their adoption.
It is the common denominator of adoption that helps people come together, the general experience of forming a family by making a choice to adopt. Some people may have adopted internationally and some domestically and each story is different but the common bond you can share is strong and the help and support of others in your situation can be reassuring. The important thing to remember is that knowledge is power and the more you educate yourself about adoption; before, during and after the process, the better parent you are going to be for your child.
If you would like more information about domestic or international adoption please contact Family Connections, Inc. an authorized New York State child placing agency who has achieved Hague Accreditation through the Council on Accreditation. Family Connections serves families wishing to adopt throughout all of New York State from Syracuse to Rochester to Albany and New York City. Family Connections offers free no obligation, individual consultations to help families explore their adoption options. You can reach Anita or Renee at Family Connections by calling 607-756-6574 or emailing info@adoptfamilyconnections.org
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