Being single and pregnant can be a very stressful and worrisome time of your life. If you are pregnant and the baby’s father has left or is unsupportive of your decision to carry the child to term, you may feel deeply alone. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone and that you have options and places to turn for support. There are many ways which you can handle your situation and find strength.
Here are seven pieces of advice to help you through:
- Find support. Support may come in the form of your family members, your friends, or professionals. Having a strong support system can ease your stress and give you strength when you need it. If your family is not supportive, look to your friends. If you have one best friend who you know will be by your side through anything, think about asking them to be your “birth partner.” Ask them to keep their phone next to them at night in case you have a midnight crisis, to support you through the birth, and to be emotionally there for you. If you don’t have a supportive friend to lean on, find a professional. There are pregnancy support centers in many communities where you can find support groups, counselors, advocates and medical professionals who can help to support you through your pregnancy and help you find services you may need. There are also many online support groups that you can join to talk to people in your situation who can provide support. A simple Google search should turn up many. Your support system is important, and you can build your own if you do not feel you have one.
- Ask for help and accept help. Asking for help can be very difficult. You might think you are weak for having to ask, or may be embarrassed. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Advocating for yourself and making sure you get the support and services you need is a sign of strength. Looking out for yourself and the child you are carrying is vitally important. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Don’t be afraid to accept the help that people offer if you need it. They would not ask if they didn’t mean it, and if the help offered will make your life easier or ease some stress, take it. It is tough to go through a pregnancy alone, and having help from your support system can make it a little easier.
- Talk to experts. Whether you are planning on parenting the child or placing the child in an adoptive home, talk to people who have been there and who are professionals. At a local pregnancy center, you can be connected to a support group of women who have been or are in your shoes or with professionals who can help you through your pregnancy. If you are considering adoption, an adoption social worker can tell you all about the process and what choices you have. They can provide counseling and help you find needed services. Talking to an adoption social worker will never cost you any money, is confidential and does not lock you into placing your child. They are there to help you make the best decision for you, even if you don’t ultimately choose adoption.
- Start planning financially. Start financially planning for more doctor’s visits, having to take time off from work for the birth and increased expenses (diapers, crib, toys, etc.) if you decide to parent your child. If you feel physically up to it, ask to pick up a few extra shifts at work or find a side job to help put a little more cash away before the baby arrives. Find financial help if you need it. If you have a friend or family member that is great at financial planning, ask them to go over your income and expenses with you to find ways to save. Find areas in your life where you can cut down on expenses. A local pregnancy center may be able to connect you to someone who can help you plan financially or help you to apply for government assistance you are eligible for.
- Talk to a lawyer. If you choose to parent, a lawyer who practices family law will be able to tell you about the options you have for seeking child support or what role, legally, the child’s father can play in your and your child’s life if they have been unsupportive of you during your pregnancy. If you choose adoption, an adoption lawyer will be able to tell you about the adoption process and what you need to do. An adoption agency should be able to find you an adoption attorney. (You can find a list of qualified adoption attorneys here.)
- Explore all of your options. Make sure to educate yourself about all of your options. Before you make a decision, see what choices you have. Having a child is a big responsibility, and you should educate yourself about all of your options before committing to one plan. This will enable you to make the best choice for yourself and your child, and will also diminish the chances that you will have regrets and “what if” moments later if you find out about an option you didn’t know about before.
- Believe in yourself. This is the most important. No matter what decision you make, believe in yourself and your choices. Before committing to anything, take the time to really search your soul and decide if it feels right. Your intuition can tell you a lot if you really listen to it. Educate yourself about all of your options, take stock of your life and your support system, and make the best decision for you and your child. That decision is different for every mother, and is one that only she herself can make. If you have looked at all possible options, you will be able to decide what the best choice is for you. Some people in your life will have opinions about what you choose to do, and might not keep their mouths shut about them no matter how misguided they are or how much they hurt you. They are not the ones living your life and no matter what they think you should do what’s best for you. Trust yourself and believe in yourself.
If you follow these pieces of advice you can feel assured that you are doing the right thing. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and support. Make a plan. Seek out assistance. Believe in yourself. Do what you personally believe is the right choice. In the end, you are the only one who can legally make that decision for you and your child, no matter what anyone else thinks. This is true no matter what your age is.
If you would like to learn more about your adoption options, check out our other blog posts, click below to have Anita or Renee contact you to talk. You can also give our office a call at (607) 756-6574 or (800) 535-5556 or shoot us an email at info@adoptfamilyconnections.org to learn more about your options. We will be happy to speak with you.
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