You have decided to place your unborn baby in an adoptive home and are interested in an open adoption. An open adoption is where the birth parents mother or mother and father decide to share some or all of their identifying information (name address phone number) with the adoptive parents and the adoptive parents agree to do the same. The amount of infomation shared is determined by the wishes of the birth mother and the mutual consent of the adoptive parents. It means that the birth parents and adoptive parents agree to stay connected instead of never knowing each other except from infomation provided by a social worker or an attorney.
In domestic private adoptions the adoptive parents and the birth parents can come to any agreement they want to but there is no one to enforce the agreement if the adootive parents do not follow through with any promises. In a domestic agency adoption, New York State the courts allow the birth parents and the adoptive parents to come to an agreement for post adoption contact to accomplish an adoption. This agreement is in the form of a contract that is incorporated into the surrender of the child. This contract obligates the adoptive parents to the minimal contact they both agree to but does not stop them from increasing their contact.
Most agreements involve the adoptive parents sending pictures and letters on a scheduled basis. These letters can be sent through the agency if the parties request or they can be delvered through direct mail or email. Some families also chose to have visits between the birth family and the adoptive family. The yearly number of visits can vary.
These post adoption relationships are valuable to all parties to an adoption. The birth family places their biological child with the knowlege that they can always know how the child is doing. They can see in picures how the child developed and what talents emerged in their persons. The adoptive parents don't have to wonder where the birth parent is and what they are doing or how they are doing. The adoptive parent cares about how the birth parent is doing. In an open adoption the child grows up knowing their adoption story. They know who they are and where they came from. There are no mysteries to fantisize about. They may have acess to the birth mother when they are older and have questions about the circumstances if their birth and why a birth mother decided to place them with their mom and dad. There may be older or younger siblings that may be of interest to them.
If the relationship between the birth parents and adoptive parents is not maintained and the two families loose touch, the time they shared waiting for the child to be born or in the hospital can be important. The love of the birth mother or father can be communicated by the adoptive parent from personal knowlege rather than second hand from the social worker or attorney who may be the stranger in the photo with their parents in the court at the finalization of the adoption.
Adoptive parents and birth parents gain so much when they make a decision to get to know each other. They all benefit but mostly the child benefits from the love the adoptive and birth parents share for the child. The birth and aoptive parents are not so anxious about the process, the decisions, and the future of the child. They each come to know personally the love they both have for the child. The peace and satisfaction and joy of the adoption process is increased and each party is able to help the other heal from the losses that both parents feel.
In a closed or confidential adoption, the gratitude of the adoptive family is showered on the social worker or attorney. The gratitude however truly belongs to the birth parent who has chosen the family and made their dream to become a parent come true. In an open adoption, the gratitude is given and expressed directly to the birth mother and this helps her to heal from the loss of her biological child.
Some birth mothers are in a difficult time of their lives when they are placeing their child for adoption. They may have been abandoned by a boyfriend who they thought cared for them, they could have been assaulted, they could have become involved with drugs or other negative social influences, they could have lost their job, or they may not have a family or friends that could support them. In an open adoption adoption, the gratitude the adoptive parents always and forever feel can now be expressed to the birth parents and can give back to the birth mother. This expression manifests itself in thoughtful generous pictures, an invitation to visit that is not part of the agreement, the joy of the child that the birth mother sees for herself in the eyes of the adoptive parent, or the kind and loving words shared directly to a birth mother.
The gratitude is also heard by the child growing up as the child hears their story told with gratitude and the love of the adoptive parents for their birth parent. For a child, this gratitude affirms the love they see from their mom and dad. They have self value not just because they are the child of their adoptive parents but because they are also a child of their birth parent who is valued and loved and so the circle goes round and round creating a secure and afirming environment for the child, who is in the end, what this is all about. So again open adoption can be a win win win decision and is well worth considering.
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